You Changed: Stop Feeling Guilty

Francesca M. Healy

Attaining what seems to be “unattainable” can have some detrimental effects. The feelings are often mixed, because you’re wondering how in the world did you reach the “unattainable”. You did it, though. It took a great amount of effort, drastic life changes, self-improvement, a new mindset, etc. The way you came out is incomparable to the way you came in. You changed. Accept that. Embrace that. Keep moving.

Now why in the world are you feeling guilty because you changed? Didn’t you tell your new colleagues that this change was the best thing you have ever experienced? Well, why are you feeling guilty because your old colleagues don’t collaborate with you anymore? Didn’t you tell your new wife that she has changed your life like no one ever has? Well, why are you feeling guilty because you left your old wife all alone, even after she made you feel less than a man? Didn’t you tell your new friends how relieved you were because they are so supportive of you (vice versa), you all book flight tickets outside of the country instead of club tickets every weekend, & you all have meaningful conversations about life? Well, why are you feeling guilty because your old friends no longer have anything meaningful to say, or because they no longer invite you to those places you no longer wish to visit? And one last example, didn’t you just say how excited you were to change your career/major to something you actually want to do, rather than what your long lost relative want you to do? Well, why are you feeling guilty because they’re upset with you and your decision to change?

I would like to be the first to diagnose you with: “Caring too much about things/people that are nonexistent.” Now, I’m not going to school to do anything medical related, so no I’m not a doctor. What I can do is point you in the right direction, and help you to get over it. How exactly will you be able to flourish, if you are still feeling guilty about something that you neededchange? The great thing about change is you will always see what you need to see (if you know what I mean).

  • Accept it.  
    • You are no longer that woman/man that you used to be. ACCEPT IT.
  • Embrace it.
    • It’s a new day for you. There are several new things that have happened to you, and they are all positive. Love on all that new stuff! Be bold about it. That’s all you, queen/king. You did that! 
  • Keep going.
    • Just because that old stuff didn’t carry over into your new life, it doesn’t mean that you should feel guilty about it. Of course you’re seen as “all that” and “bougie” because you are evolving. Keep going anyways. Of course they won’t clap for you like they used to when you were twerking in the club every Saturday night saying, “Get it b—“. Keep going anyways. Of course you’re going to both gain and lose people along the way. Please, keep going!

Feeling guilty about this change will only hinder you from elevating. There is nothing wrong with being out with the old, and in with the new. Be bold about this change by: accepting it, embracing it, and keep going. Flourish queen/king, because that’s all you. You did that!

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